It is not an easy task to understand when certain actions are connected with disorder of the nervous system and require the competence of a doctor, and when they are nothing but the costs of education. That's why it happens that a sick person sometimes gets an undeserved reputation for being ill-mannered. The ill-mannered one uses our condescension because he has convinced everyone around him, and, above all, himself, that all this comes from “nerves”.
Nervous person in everyday life is called irritable or violently reacting to all sorts of events, that is, the one who, as a rule, splashes out his emotions. Those who experience what has happened in themselves are considered calm and balanced. However, in both of these groups, the psychoneurologist will find both his patients (that is, people with borderline neuropsychiatric disorders) and completely healthy people.
Life requires constant self-control from us. Education lays the ability of a person to determine what is possible, what is impossible, what to look for, not reacting externally. This ability to behave in accordance with generally accepted norms changes with age. A child who is just learning to control his emotions, or an old person who has less control over himself, some actions are forgivable.
For a mature person, flashes of irritability or periods of unreasonable gloom can serve as a reason to reflect on their character. Many psychiatrists define character as the one-sidedness of the mental organization of the individual. It is for this reason that it is impossible to alter the character. But you can learn to close your weaknesses, learn to control yourself.
If you feel that you are annoyed by a lot, if you “flare up” at the slightest excuse, admit for a start that this does not decorate you. And then take a step towards yourself: try to change your behavior. It is his. Do not strive to alter the people around you so that you will be easy and convenient with them. Think about it, is it easy for them?
Imagine, for example, was it convenient for your neighbor with a sore head to rise to you and ask for silence on your last holiday? Than out loud and mentally say everything you think about her, try to tune in a different way: of course, she did not know (and could not know - you don’t discuss your apartment schedule with your neighbors!) That you have guests there was a reasonable reason to demand silence. So sympathize with the elderly person, and the irritation will go away.
The contrasting technique developed by Epicurus still works today. The search for positive aspects of a negative phenomenon is inherent in a person; they become our psychological defense. Even a completely healthy, balanced person may temporarily weaken psychological defense mechanisms. Causes can be illness, overwork, stressful situations. And then, the charter at work, he “breaks down” at home, and after an illness he can become unusually sentimental.
At first glance it may seem strange, but you can increase your own invulnerability, trying to understand other people’s position with understanding. By understanding the other, we are improving ourselves.
That is why the definition is generally accepted, in which a well-bred person is not the one who correctly holds the fork and knife, but one who respects and understands others, their opinions, actions, thoughts, feelings. He who not only remembers his rights, but also considers the rights of others, and, without being irritated by trifles, does not force others to become irritated and nervous.